Dan DeKoter: Primary Reasons Couples Divorce

When we are children we imagine meeting our perfect mate and being married one day. Our expectations are that this marriage will last forever and be filled with joy and constant happiness. When we grow up and have the good fortune of finding someone we love enough to marry, we do it realizing that sometimes fairytales do not have a happy ending. However, with this said, no one enters into marriage with the expectancy that it will end in divorce.

Yet unfortunately despite love being as strong as it is and people committing to the monumental efforts that it takes these days to stay together, as marriage statistics show, nearly 50% of all marriages in the United States will not last.

There are many reasons why this happens and all of them complex, consisting of many sub-factors, some emotional and others physical, but when combined create a situation where one or both of the couple believe things are not salvageable and one calls a divorce attorney like Dan DeKoter. Here are some of the main reasons people cite for wanting a divorce;

Loss of intimacy

Part of being married is that the couple will have an intimate relationship. Although the amount of intimacy varies from couple to couple and can change over time, there is an expectation by both partners of some level of closeness. When one partner is not getting these needs met, it will cause unhappiness and frustration. Intimacy, and in particular sexual intimacy, is often a gauge for how for how a relationship is going. When a partner withdraws physically, there is usually a corresponding emotional withdrawal leaving the other partner not just without closeness physically but also feeling alone on every other level. For many married people a loss of intimacy means that the marriage is broken and if this part cannot be repaired, the marriage is not worth it.

In terms of seeing a therapist, this reason is the number one issue and the goal of the therapist is to understand the underlying issues relating to the loss of intimacy. The reasons are not usually a loss of physical attraction, they are usually some underlying behaviors that are causing one partner to feel less included to give intimacy. If not dealt with, this emotional detachment may ultimately lead to one or both married people seeking intimacy elsewhere.

Loss of Communication

Good communication and being able to talk through problems, is at the heart of any good relationship, and when the communication breaks down relationship will usually follower. Austin married couples have never had good communication, but their passionate love was able to make up for poor communication. But passion in the relationship changes over time and if this was the main factor keeping a relationship strong, once it loses some of its strength, without good communication as a foundation for the relationship things can go poorly.

Loss of Vitality

When one partner in a marriage he’s no longer physically capable of doing things that was normal for that person, it can create strain on the marriage leading to divorce this loss of vitality can be sexual, or perhaps the couple was very active in sports or in travelling and one of them gets injured or as a physical ailment or disease that prohibits the person from being is active. This can cause the other person to feel as if things have changed in a way that they no longer prefer causing the desire for divorce.

Loss of income

One of the most common reasons why couples get divorced Is because of a financial change in their lifestyles. Perhaps the husband who has been a long time perfect breadwinner gets fired, or maybe the wife develops a gambling problem and loses the couple’s life savings at a casino. Or perhaps there is a downturn in the economy causing the couple’s 401k to lose all of its value, these occurrences can have a traumatic effect on a marriage. What usually accompanies them is fear, anger, and confrontations bringing out the worst in the married couple. Many couples can survive loss of income but for other couples it can be the foundation for divorce.

The common denominator in each of these reasons for divorce is communication.  When things start going bad people have different ways of dealing with it and many people turn inward rather than outward with their frustration, fears for the future, and disappointment in their partners. When this happens communication has completely broken down and there is little chance for the couple to replace the building blocks that may have been destroyed or removed by the events that have occurred